For me it happened a little over 14 years ago. A ball of white fluff walked into my house, we locked eyes, stared at each other with uncertainty and began our lives together. We spent the next 11 years together as best friends. She put her head in my lap when I felt my lowest, she jumped for joy during my highs and slept next to my leg every night. This was my once-in-a-lifetime pet, a bond like I have never had before and I can only hope I will have again.
The day the vet looked at me and told me it was time for her to pass, the shock and panic overwhelmed me. It could not possibly be time, I wasn’t ready. We spent the following day doing things she loved, walking by the river, eating meatballs, and snuggling. The next day, I said goodbye and let her go.
Anyone who has had and loved a pet has experienced this or knows this day will eventually come. As your trusted companion they have to rely on you to make that very hardest of decisions, because they cannot make it on their own, even if they are suffering. But keep in mind, they would want no one other than you to make it. Even though we know this is an inevitable part of pet ownership, it doesn’t make the pain any less acute or confusing.
I couldn’t help feeling I had betrayed my best friend. I deeply missed her and the life we made together. I questioned every choice I made. Although we see it coming, there is no way to fully prepare emotionally.
When that agonizing time comes and you must say goodbye, to navigate emotionally, you need to ask, ”What are some things I can do for myself to help?”
Don’t Minimize the Pain
I think the first and most important thing is to not minimize your pain to yourself or your loved ones. You just said goodbye to an important member of your family. You are allowed to feel your grief and be sad. Often with pets we minimize our pain because they are not humans—“just” a pet. And be aware that some well-meaning people will simply not understand and may try to soothe you with the “it’s just a pet” approach. But remember, you loved them and the idea that you would not be sad is an unreasonable expectation. Cry, talk things out with understanding people you trust, look at pictures, whatever you need to do to let those feelings out.
Honor Your Lost Friend
Find a way to honor your friend. The traditions that we have for humans that have passed like funerals and celebrations, help up with our grief by letting us honor the ones who have died and show them respect and love. You could make a social media post, have a get together, scatter their ashes, make a memory box, or do something more private. It can be as grand or as small as feels right to you. There is no right way to grieve.
Give Yourself Time
Allow yourself space and time. You loved your pet, they were a constant in your everyday life for years. It is going to take time to not feel that sting of their loss. Any grief takes time to process and it is different for each person.
Don’t Rush to Move On
Don’t feel like you have to “move on.” We don’t move on from grief. The pain will ease and the ache of longing will subside, but we don’t move on as if they never happened. We loved them and love does not fade. Your love for them will always be there and that is okay.
Talk Through Your Grief
Join a support group or talk to someone. You do not have to go through this alone and there are people out there that can empathize with your pain. Many SPCAs offer grief support or support groups. Rainbow Bridge offers a limited chat service and more in depth information regarding losing a pet: Pet Loss Grief Support Community Resources.